When I was a little girl, I had a recurring dream. More like nightmare. I remember it occurring every night (I was seven- it is quite possible that I have misinterpreted the frequency of this occurrence) for a long period of time (I might say a year but please keep in mind the fact that I was seven)...
My cousin and I would be walking in front of a shopping strip, empty parking lot and would somehow end up in the middle of a street which also happened to be at the top of a hill. Then, my cousin would disappear. There I was in the middle of the street, lost, scared and hopeless, searching for the direction- straining my eyes to see if I could see her somewhere down the road...anywhere! I would always wake up about that point, undoubtedly scared and unsure how to resolve the fear that beat inside my chest.
I am not quite sure when it stopped. Or why it stopped. I do know that I had that dream again about a year ago. With it came those old feelings.
Recently, my dreams have been extremely vivid. And scary. Not recurring, always different dreams about the same people or situation, seemingly. And with these come the same feelings. Fear, uncertainty, hurt, disappointment, anger! The dreams are so life-like that I find myself struggling with these feelings during my day, replaying the nightmare over and over and trying to separate my reality from my nightmare.
I know not about the meanings of my dreams. I have tried. And been somewhat unsuccessful at uncovering all the meanings. I do know that the feelings with which I struggle in my dreams are the feelings with which I struggle in my days. Maybe that is all it is and will ever be- just a way to decompress.
However, it would almost be worth it to not go to sleep!
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