Worth...

Went to battle today. Was on the front lines.
I fought long and hard.
But not quite sure I had the right weapons.
Feeling wounded, energy-drained from the emotions (and there were many) of the day.
How quickly the attack came. I only thought I was prepared.
I wasn't.

But was reminded by my fellow soldiers that this battle is not mine to fight alone.
It is the Lord's and He will fight for me.

I am worth fighting for.
I am worth fighting for.
I am worth fighting for.
I am worth fighting for.
I am worth fighting for.
I am worth fighting for.

And He is fighting for me.
He is fighting for me.
He is fighting for me.
He is fighting for me.
He is fighting for me.
He is fighting for me.

Yee Haw!!!

It's about time we got back to the important stuff...

The next two weeks, in Kindergarten, are dedicated to Texas! With that, comes discussion and activities centered around the Wild West and Cowboys. The only other time I did this, we went all out and even had a Rodeo Round-Up!!! That was great fun!

Won't be quite as adventurous this year...but the excitement has motivated me enough to go out and purchase a dress-up cowboy hat, complete with SEQUINS!!!! Boots are on the list...but not sure I can find a pair to match :)

May have to create my own...

Speaking of creating, I thought it would be awesome to have 'wanted' posters with students pictures on them for my door or bulletin board. Searched the teacher stores and came up empty-handed...Was going to order them from a popular supply catalog, but didn't want to pay shipping...

Next best thing? Creating them myself!! And that is exactly what I did!!! Found some parchment-looking paper at walmart and printed "WANTED BY GOD" in a special cowboy font on said paper. Decided to antique the edges with fire!!! It worked quite well...

Now all we need are pictures of some cute, Kinder Cowboys and Cowgirls!!!

Psalm 84:1

Heard this verse this morning, in a different context than ever before! It spoke volumes...

"How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty!"

I have read this verse several times over the course of my life and never stopped to explore its meaning. I took it quite literally, thinking it was referring to Heaven, which is quite lovely, duh?!?!?!

But today, I heard this verse in a different way. I have been listening to a book on tape about insecurities. I am almost done with the book, which means I am at the point where it is time to stop talking about them and accept the challenge to do something about them! Here appears the verse, "How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty!" The author explains the simple truth that many Christians have heard countless times- if you are indeed a Christian, Christ dwells in you! She goes on to explain that since Christ dwells in you, you are LOVELY!!! The Bible tells us so, right there in Psalm 84:1.
What an amazing truth-nugget to cling to!!!!!
I am LOVELY!!!!

Thank you, Jesus, for this revelation today!!! Thank you for helping me to see myself as you see me!!!!

Dear Friend,

Today I am letting the shadows of my fears tower over and over power me. I had another dream last night. It was a dream that only served to reinforce the feelings associated with the lies to which I have been listening for the past several weeks. I was alone in my room, with all kinds of pests crawling across the floor, while everyone else (the group I so desperately want to be a part of) was next door, laughing and carrying on- enjoying each other's company! I had been left out!

I wonder if I will ever be able to make a connection. I feel like I have tried so hard, for so long, in so many areas of my life- and failed as many times.

Today is hard! And I haven't even made it out of bed yet!!!

None

I knew you'd try that.
I just knew.
And here I am, taking that action and multiplying it a hundred times over with reasons and motives as to why you did that!!!
I am frustrated.
FRUSTRATED!
That I can't seem to move beyond this.
I'm still stuck.
I'm still scared of what you might really think about me.
I understand that it is complete lack of trust on my part.
I desperately want to believe you.
But I don't.
Not sure I ever will.
And that makes me sad.

A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes?????

When I was a little girl, I had a recurring dream. More like nightmare. I remember it occurring every night (I was seven- it is quite possible that I have misinterpreted the frequency of this occurrence) for a long period of time (I might say a year but please keep in mind the fact that I was seven)...
My cousin and I would be walking in front of a shopping strip, empty parking lot and would somehow end up in the middle of a street which also happened to be at the top of a hill. Then, my cousin would disappear. There I was in the middle of the street, lost, scared and hopeless, searching for the direction- straining my eyes to see if I could see her somewhere down the road...anywhere! I would always wake up about that point, undoubtedly scared and unsure how to resolve the fear that beat inside my chest.

I am not quite sure when it stopped. Or why it stopped. I do know that I had that dream again about a year ago. With it came those old feelings.

Recently, my dreams have been extremely vivid. And scary. Not recurring, always different dreams about the same people or situation, seemingly. And with these come the same feelings. Fear, uncertainty, hurt, disappointment, anger! The dreams are so life-like that I find myself struggling with these feelings during my day, replaying the nightmare over and over and trying to separate my reality from my nightmare.

I know not about the meanings of my dreams. I have tried. And been somewhat unsuccessful at uncovering all the meanings. I do know that the feelings with which I struggle in my dreams are the feelings with which I struggle in my days. Maybe that is all it is and will ever be- just a way to decompress.
However, it would almost be worth it to not go to sleep!

The Warrior Is a Child...

Appreciate you telling me. I really do!
But am absolutely uncertain as to what to do with that bit of information.
Liked hearing that you thought of me, alot.
Not so sure what that means.
Hoping beyond hope that whatever you decide will only serve to bring you peace and contentment.
I, too, want peace and contentment.
More than that, I want your friendship.
Hard to move beyond that today.
I tried.
I really did!!!!
Only led to overthinking, sleep deprivation and tears.
More tears than I want to admit. More tears than were necessary.
Still awake...looking for distractions...