Friday, December 03, 2010

Cars...

Washing cars was never my strength.

More often than not, if my car gets a bath, it is because of the most recent rainstorm.

But I spent a couple of hours the other day washing cars, including mine.

I absolutely hate washing my car.

I love spending time and energy scrubbing and rinsing, and relishing in the beauty of the finished product. But I hold with great disdain the thought of identifying, and ultimately agonizing over, the blemishes that mar the appearance of my vehicle. They are no more than everyday dents and dings that accompany regular car use. Nonetheless, I don't want to know or have to deal with them.

I stumbled upon this realization in the middle of my dreaded chore. Wet and soapy from head to toe, and a bit frustrated that what I thought was dirt was actually scrapes, scratches, and dings, I wondered how many times we run from God for the same reasons. How many times do we sit in our filth because we think it would be easier, even better, to stay dirty than to find out that our dirt is hiding imperfections (or that our dirt is not dirt at all)? After all, it is easy to pretend that there are no imperfections if they are hidden and we don't have to deal with things that don't exist.

But if we don't know what is marred, how then can we fix it. I know that you know that I know that God knows all of our dirt, scratches, and dings. And God has offered us a way to get clean and deal with those wounds. He will heal those wounds. If we don't deal with them when they are small, they will only continue to grow bigger and cause more problems.It is not fun to go to God with all of our mess. But He is a gentle and full of compassion. And will clean. And will forgive. And will heal.

When was the last time you washed your car?

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Six Months

May 30th I broke out in a rash that responded neither to benadryl nor steroids. Eventually I found a doctor who did not just treat the symptoms but would dig deep to find the cause.

Here I am, six months later with neither an answer nor hope of one soon. Today I went to the lab. They sucked me dry of all types of fluids and money.

I want to be done. I want to quit taking the meds. I want to quit going to the doctor. Some days it seems that it would be easier to live with the symptoms of this unnamed culprit than to keep spending money on time sitting in various doctor offices or getting stuck with needles or having to pee in bottles.

I know this is not anything outside of what everyone else has to go through. I am just tired. Frustrated. Done.

Doctors don't care anymore. Maybe they never did. I just rarely had to go before May. And now it seems that this is becoming my new normal.

I know it is only for a season. Just wondering how long this season has to last.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Change

Someone told me recently that I shouldn't spend too much time trying to change me, because I am great just the way I am...

Such words lighten the load my heart carries. They bring a smile to my lips. And more than that, they remind me that no matter how I try, I will never be successful at changing self. That is a job for one who knows me better than even I know myself.

I am thankful that God loves me where I am. And He loves me so much that He is not willing to let me stay where I am.

I am thankful that He can and does change hearts and lives! That He is changing mine!
Thankful for friends who speak such truth to my heart...thankful that I don't have to change me :)

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Worth...

Went to battle today. Was on the front lines.
I fought long and hard.
But not quite sure I had the right weapons.
Feeling wounded, energy-drained from the emotions (and there were many) of the day.
How quickly the attack came. I only thought I was prepared.
I wasn't.

But was reminded by my fellow soldiers that this battle is not mine to fight alone.
It is the Lord's and He will fight for me.

I am worth fighting for.
I am worth fighting for.
I am worth fighting for.
I am worth fighting for.
I am worth fighting for.
I am worth fighting for.

And He is fighting for me.
He is fighting for me.
He is fighting for me.
He is fighting for me.
He is fighting for me.
He is fighting for me.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Yee Haw!!!

It's about time we got back to the important stuff...

The next two weeks, in Kindergarten, are dedicated to Texas! With that, comes discussion and activities centered around the Wild West and Cowboys. The only other time I did this, we went all out and even had a Rodeo Round-Up!!! That was great fun!

Won't be quite as adventurous this year...but the excitement has motivated me enough to go out and purchase a dress-up cowboy hat, complete with SEQUINS!!!! Boots are on the list...but not sure I can find a pair to match :)
May have to create my own...
Speaking of creating, I thought it would be awesome to have 'wanted' posters with students pictures on them for my door or bulletin board. Searched the teacher stores and came up empty-handed...Was going to order them from a popular supply catalog, but didn't want to pay shipping...

Next best thing? Creating them myself!! And that is exactly what I did!!! Found some parchment-looking paper at walmart and printed "WANTED BY GOD" in a special cowboy font on said paper. Decided to antique the edges with fire!!! It worked quite well...


Now all we need are pictures of some cute, Kinder Cowboys and Cowgirls!!!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Psalm 84:1

Heard this verse this morning, in a different context than ever before! It spoke volumes...

"How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty!"

I have read this verse several times over the course of my life and never stopped to explore its meaning. I took it quite literally, thinking it was referring to Heaven, which is quite lovely, duh?!?!?!

But today, I heard this verse in a different way. I have been listening to a book on tape about insecurities. I am almost done with the book, which means I am at the point where it is time to stop talking about them and accept the challenge to do something about them! Here appears the verse, "How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty!" The author explains the simple truth that many Christians have heard countless times- if you are indeed a Christian, Christ dwells in you! She goes on to explain that since Christ dwells in you, you are LOVELY!!! The Bible tells us so, right there in Psalm 84:1.
What an amazing truth-nugget to cling to!!!!!
I am LOVELY!!!!

Thank you, Jesus, for this revelation today!!! Thank you for helping me to see myself as you see me!!!!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Dear Friend,

Today I am letting the shadows of my fears tower over and over power me. I had another dream last night. It was a dream that only served to reinforce the feelings associated with the lies to which I have been listening for the past several weeks. I was alone in my room, with all kinds of pests crawling across the floor, while everyone else (the group I so desperately want to be a part of) was next door, laughing and carrying on- enjoying each other's company! I had been left out!

I wonder if I will ever be able to make a connection. I feel like I have tried so hard, for so long, in so many areas of my life- and failed as many times.

Today is hard! And I haven't even made it out of bed yet!!!